I sit here typing this at the tail end of my whole house being sick with an awful cold. When I tell you that I’ve never cleaned up so much throw up, I mean it! Currently, my home consist of my husband, myself, 2 year old twins and my 6 month old. I would like to introduce the gang before diving into the madness. My first born (by 1 minute) is my beautiful, savvy, tenacious daughter Sage. Sage is the calm one out of the two but she still has a wild side. Then their is her twin brother Ace, and he is a handful and yet he is so sweet all at the same time. Lastly, my miracle Quinn which is the peace maker out of the bunch. He was meant four our family to bring peace and overall a completion. A period at the end of a sentence as they say. Now that I’ve got the introduction out of the way, let’s dive in….. shall we?
I’m Becca, I have stayed home since the twins were born. Three years prior, I was in a corporate position managing a group of people. I loved what I did, but I also wanted to experience motherhood. My vision at the time was a false reality. I would see these “put together” mommas online with freshly washed hair and a Pinterest recipe on the dinner table, I thought, I can do that! This looks like a break to me from the fast moving corporate world. Boy was I wrong and I found this our pretty quick. My reality was that this new role, was a thankless role. No one “checked” on me to see how I was doing. I didn’t get an annual review on my performance. I simply was left with this huge responsibility to these tiny humans to ensure they survived everyday with me. I felt this overwhelming pressure to do things “right”. We all know that doesn’t go over when you are a mom. I will never forget the moment I was left with all three kids by myself. It was a heavy feeling because I didn’t know how I would do it. Guess what? I did it! I had to let go of the unrealistic demands and expectations I put on myself. Once I let that go, I realized its OK to just be. It’s ok to roll around on the floor with my kids while the dishes piled up. My inner child and fun side has come out. Each day has its challenges. At nap time, I tend to lean more into rest or something I want to do for myself. As before, I would drown into all the tasks that needed to be done before the kids woke up. Chores will always exist but I have balanced it out a little better knowing it will get done. Motherhood is messy, motherhood has stains and it’s also an activator to yourself. I have noticed how much my kids have brought out my own trauma as a child and how much healing I still need. Mama, it’s ok not be on top of your game everyday. We are all learning and trying to find the best balance we know how.
I write this because I see YOU. I understand YOU, and I know YOU are more than just the messiness of motherhood. Now get up and go wash your face and brush your teeth. Before you are done, looks at yourself in the mirror and say the following “I am a BAD BITCH”. Because you are….
Moral of this story is, anxiety is apart of me but I will not let it take over my life. Many times I get so down about it as I still deal with it. I am learning tools and how to properly manage it with yoga and breathing. You can too. If I can do it, you can do it. Now, everyday is not perfect and anxiety sneaks on me when I least expect it. I know a lot of people out there deal with anxiety and it makes my heart hurt to think they may feel alone in this. They are not alone and neither are you! Many people go through the same challenges. I embrace anxiety and I am learning how to cope as much as I can. I can’t allow it to stop my life. I also find humor in it. Don’t take yourself too seriously, besides we are all going through something in life. Right? Strength and human connection will make the life journey more meaningful. Anxiety will never win!
Becca Says 