Infertility

It’s a boy! It’s a girl! Just like that I became a Mom in September 2019. I waited so long for this very moment and was slapped in the face with an abundance of love and sleepless nights. When we brought them home, we had no clue what we were doing. All I knew was our life changed dramatically. As the months have gone by my husband and I have had many lessons, opinions, and dirty diapers.

With this massive life moment, as a new Mom I have felt like I needed permission for everything at this point. “Do you mind if I take a shower”?”Could you watch the babies while I do laundry”? “Can I get a moment just to myself”? I am learning that motherhood can be not only time consuming but it’s also a loss of yourself.

I mourn the loss of who I used to be, yet I am so in love with these tiny humans and wouldn’t change it for the world. Isn’t that funny? I quit my 19 year career where I was not the happiest, however I enjoyed leading people. My husband and I decided that I stay home due to the load of twins for our parents and I overall wanted to be with them for a few years. The decision was hard and I was a hot mess after I quit. I think I ugly cried for a few days. I gave myself permission to mourn my old self and I was able to slowly transition into mom buns and nike sweatpants. Don’t get me wrong I still try to put on some rouge here and there. To all the Moms out there trying to fit into their new role, I see you! I am with you and I know at times it feels overwhelming, but you were made so Devine and it’s okay to not always be okay.

Xo,

Becca

1 and 8 couples experience infertility. Not only do they experience it, they experience it alone. We have been going to our fertility clinic for the past 6 months. The last 6 months have been filled with highs and filled with lows. I have been poked more then one should be poked. I’ve had multiple procedures that have left my body broken. But each time, I know it’s getting us closer to our future baby.

Today, I had another procedure which has left me “couch ridden” and it made me start thinking of why do people do this alone? A community is so important. It’s a beautiful thing to go through so much, for a family. Making a baby is a true miracle and women that get pregnant naturally are such an inspiration! But I also think the same for women that go through fertility treatments. They are warriors! Your hormones are a Magic Mountain roller coaster ride! It can be emotionally draining and giving up on this process has gone through my mind…I’m not going to lie. It’s tested my lack of control and patience. I have cried until my head hurt. I have and still feel like my body is giving up on me. I have felt alone. I have been utterly exhausted. Out of all these emotions, I have also felt gratitude. I feel gratitude to be able to talk about with others that may have not understood the process. It has also made me stronger in understanding my faith. My gratitude goes far. I’m thankful to even be in a position to pay for our treatment. Oh yeah, did I mention financial costs? This is expensive! Everything you do with IVF has a pretty price tag. One minute you think you have paid for everything, until they say you need more of A,B and C.

My goal is to be transparent about infertility. It’s not easy, and it’s not something that should be in silence either. Our journey is just one out of many. Many times I wonder if I am able to put light on this subject. Sharing my story is how I feel will help others in my small corner of the west coast. Just one person reading this would be all I needed.

So be kind, you never know what someone is going through. YOU are not alone sister or brother!

#infertility #youarenotalone

Xoxo,

Becca

Category: Infertility

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