When I was born in 1983, as my Mother was holding me I’m sure I was anxious looking up at her. I was literally born with anxious energy. I have felt anxiety from the moment I could remember. I was an anxious little girl and a fly would scare me. Growing up, I would vomit on the dentist or even on my parents if I ever got nervous. My parents would know what to expect every time. Now the dentist on the other hand. Poor, poor dentist. I never saw him again after two times of the exorcist vomit scene in his chair. I had to of been about 5 years old at the time.
As I got older it seemed to simmer down a bit. When I hit 19, I met my boyfriend that stole my heart for 3 years. I ended this relationship because I wanted to live a little and didn’t want to get married at the age of 21—NO WAY! I immediately felt anxiety and the “throw up in my mouth” feeling after the breakup. It kicked my ass! I was so upset that I was feeling this way again. WHY ME? WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? I continued to ignore it and continued living my life. At this time, I moved out of my parents house into my very own place. FREEDOM HERE I COME! During this time, I now see I suppressed a lot with drinking. It would numb the anxiety and I was able to cope a little bit better. I was only 22 with a great job, going to school and drinking to oblivion. I was on top of the world!
Fast forward to the age of 31, I was officially engaged to my now husband. What does this mean?? A WEDDING! AHHH! I need to plan a wedding and I need to deal with my Mother’s approval on the festivities. Hi Anxiety, my name is Becca—OH WAIT! Thats my middle name! My anxiety was through the roof and I didn’t know how I was going to get through the most important day of my life. Many times I played it in my head thinking, what if I don’t show up? Yes, crazy thinking. When anxiety hits me I feel so sick and my body completely shuts down. On top of that, IBS creeps in every time! The wedding was causing these symptoms to control it all. As the wedding day approached, my anxiety turned into panic. Fight or flight… I am definitely the flight person. RUN BECCA, RUN!!! But I didn’t, I walked down the aisle feeling parched and married the love of my life. Becca 1, Anxiety 0.
Moral of this story is, anxiety is apart of me but I will not let it take over my life. Many times I get so down about it as I still deal with it. I am learning tools and how to properly manage it with yoga and breathing. You can too. If I can do it, you can do it. Now, everyday is not perfect and anxiety sneaks on me when I least expect it. I know a lot of people out there deal with anxiety and it makes my heart hurt to think they may feel alone in this. They are not alone and neither are you! Many people go through the same challenges. I embrace anxiety and I am learning how to cope as much as I can. I can’t allow it to stop my life. I also find humor in it. Don’t take yourself too seriously, besides we are all going through something in life. Right? Strength and human connection will make the life journey more meaningful. Anxiety will never win!